Where are you from?
I came to detest that question with passion.
Where are you from ?
Creating separation and division, rather that closeness.
Where are you from?
THE question before the assault
Three times
Hands grabbing you
Stones being thrown
Propositions being made
Three times…or more
Because of my face
Because of my skin color
Where are you from ?
I am different
It means I can be accosted
It means I can be assaulted
Then I wondered
Maybe I misheard
Maybe it was not about me
Is that assault?
Maybe it’s not
And anyway,
It’s not a big deal
Worse has happened to many
It actually did not go too far
You are making too much of it
Not everyone is the same
But still,
How am I supposed to feel after stones were thrown at me?
How am I supposed to feel after those hands
Felt that they had the permission to grab and hold me
How am I supposed to feel when I am being singled out
and requested to meet to talk about the beauty of Cameroonian women?
I don’t know
I felt perplexed
I felt sad
I felt angry
I felt dirty
All of the above
I should have
I should have been more assertive
I should have called him/them out
I should have pushed back, harder
I should not have answered
I should have yelled
And then,
I felt like I should not write this
I felt like it should get over it
I felt like maybe I am exaggerating
I felt like it’s not the worse that could happen
I felt like not feeling sorry for myself
I felt like I am not a victim
I felt like tomorrow would be ok.
Yes.
In the meantime,
How to I make this hollow feeling go away?
How do I tell myself not to cry,
When I just want to curl up and cry ?
I just know one thing
Don’t ask me where I am from
I won’t answer