3. The privilege of universality:
Ok, time for a story. If like me, you are crazy about everything shoes, you may have heard about Louboutin, the brand. It’s a brand I like. The reason why I like this brand over all other high-end brands, is not because they make better shoes, or because they have better designs, or whatever factors in when you love a brand. I appreciate Louboutin because it was the first high end brand that would make shoes in a nude color that would match my skin tone.
When I saw their signature shoe made in what is “nude” for me, I knew I had to get that.
For the first time in my life, I too could say I am wearing something “nude”. It was three years ago, I believe. When my white friends obliviously talk about the nude color with me, I silently chuckle and think “I think you mean beige!”. “Nude” literally means “skin tone”. My nude would be your brown. But I get it, nude is the skin tone of a white person, and the rest of us just has to deal. Right? Same for Band-Aids, same for clothing or hosiery, same for everything else that is made based on white standards.
White is literally the standard for the rest of the world, and to be able to fit in, some POC resort to become as close to white as possible.
I encourage you to read about the phenomenon of skin bleaching or hair relaxing and realize where it comes from, realize how black people around the world have been taught to hate the skin they live in.
Talking about self-hate, I want to draw your attention to the subject of hair, specifically black women hair. If you don’t know it by know, it is a thing, my white friends. Be very careful when talking about it or approaching the subject, because there too, the trauma is real.
Let me explain a bit: For 500 years, black people have not had any agency over their own bodies. Being slaves in America or Europe, being colonized in Africa, black bodies have belonged to white people for the longest time. They could not move like they wanted to, they could not live where they wanted to, they could not circulate like they wanted to, they could not reproduce like they wanted to. It’s our raw truth.
Throughout the 19th century up until the 1940s, people could go and visit my ancestors in a zoo, pet them, but not give them food because they had already been fed. 1940, it makes it 80 years ago today, so it has not been that long. Think about it. My parents are in their 70s. And I think the last time you could see black people displayed in a zoo was 2007. I encourage you to look up everything I am writing here, I am not doing it for shock value. You will understand how the black and brown people imagery is ingrained in the white collective unconscious.
Also educate yourself about the Minstrel Shows, and how they have contributed to depict African physical traits are being unattractive and subject of mockery, while praising white traits are dainty and beautiful and everything else positive.
Educate yourself about the slave code, and how it instituted racial classification based on the percentage of white blood black had in their veins. It went from mulato (half and half), quadroon (3/4), octoroon (1/8), and so on and so forth. And as you would correctly guess, the whitest the better !
Up until today, in the US, in Africa, in the Caribbean, the lightest skin among POC is seen as not only more beautiful, but also strategically more powerful, as being light would open more doors that being dark. A huge part of this imagery, is hair texture. Black hair types are still stigmatized, seen as not professional, not tidy, not clean, hard to maintain, etc. Look up the business of hair relaxing, weaves and other hair products for black women. It’s one of the biggest industries out there. Black women have been told all their lives that the way they look is not beautiful, and that their hair were not the standard.
Last year, in 2019, in the US, New Jersey, Tennessee, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois and other states have proposed legislation to explicitly ban race-based hair discrimination — tackling a remaining loophole in the law governing discrimination in workplaces, schools and other public places. California and New York were the first to sign legislation into law in July, and New York City issued guidelines on the issue earlier this year.
So, up until last year, an employer could still tell a POC: “it’s your hair or your job”. Yes, my dear friends, black women are still discriminated against today, because of their hair. See the Washington post article here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/09/19/more-states-are-trying-protect-black-employees-who-want-wear-natural-hairstyles-work/
Black bodies were the foundation on which the ideology of race was founded, flourished and perpetuated. Black bodies are still today objectified, subjects of curiosity, feared, imprisoned, punished or made invisible, depending on the white space they find themselves in. Read about it, there is plenty of educational material out there.
Personally, my journey to self-love and body acceptance is ongoing. I was telling you about my stint in corporate America, where I was told that the hair had to go, if I wanted the promotion. And out went the hair. It was 2005. When I went back home to visit my parents, my mother was appalled, she could not imagine me with my natural hair ! Next thing you know, we were at the hairdresser, relaxing the little bit of hair I had on my head. My hair grew back, I eventually left the job and I continued regularly relaxing my hair, without really questioning the act.
Then I got pregnant and was advised to stop putting chemicals on my hair, to protect my unborn child. That’s when I started questioning it all, wondering why I was doing all of this anyway ?
I thus completely stopped putting chemicals in my hair and since then, I have been using my hair to show a bit of who I am and where I come from, reclaim a bit of my history.
I know my hair is source of curiosity in predominantly white spaces. To cope with the sometimes unwanted attention, I have decided to be proactive and answer questions before they are uttered. I really don’t mind explaining my hair to people. Just don’t touch them, don’t pet them, and don’t single me out during staff meeting by pointing them out. Be mindful of the hurt it had taken to grow that beautiful crown.